We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
