On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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