so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my shit smells like andre
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
