So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
