Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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