For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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