Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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