even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
