then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
