the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he thought i was a dude.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
