well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
