Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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