Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
