I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
