what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
