Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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