"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
