there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
