she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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