I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My balls are so social today.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
