I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
