she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
