if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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