At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
