can we get nightvision for the apartment?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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