Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
