dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
my poor anus
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
