There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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