If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
