new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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