The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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