I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
