Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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