yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The adults are the big ones right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
