It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I will be naked everywhere
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
