Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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