Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
