I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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