i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize