apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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