Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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