i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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