So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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