Having a random hookup so left but love u
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
