fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
