I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
