yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Less talking, more tequila
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
