My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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