if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
