i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
