that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I came so hard my ears popped.
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