Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think my fart just growled at me.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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