Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
