I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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