I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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