just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
