Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
