Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
