6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
