I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
