it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
