I think I died a long time ago.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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