We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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