I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
