If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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