what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize