i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
