im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
